Alcohol & me. The end of the longest relationship of my life.

Christmas! I did have a drink but alcohol is my biggest post cancer lifestyle ‘tweak’

Alcohol is classed as a group 1 carcinogen. Which is the highest, up there with tobacco and asbestos. There is a proven link between breast cancer recurrence and drinking. And there is no ‘safe’ recommended amount.

These are the cold, hard facts.

Which, when you see them written in black and white, make it pretty obvious really. If you want to help prevent cancer or cancer recurrence, it would make sense not to drink.

But life - and alcohol - are not as simple as that.

We are all in some way emotionally attached to booze. Whether or not we drink it. It’s a very contentious, emotive topic.

Drinking has always been a part of my life. Since I was about 15. In my teens and twenties, I was on a round the world adventure of binge drinking. I grew up in the 90s in the UK. We are the lost generation! After university, I did ski seasons, working in bars. I travelled a lot. Booze was a huge part of my identity. I was a party girl. I loved the confidence and inhibition I got from alcohol.

In my 30s, I calmed down massively to focus on sport, but there were still plenty of evenings that ended in spirits and shots. Then, as a parent, I enjoyed ‘just’ one glass of wine. Almost every night. The only time I have had a significant break from booze in the last 35 years was when I was pregnant.

When our twins were babies - they’re now 5 - I felt I’d really earned my glass of wine by 7pm. I was desperately sleep deprived and utterly frazzled. Pouring that glass when they were finally asleep was, in my mind, a well-earned reward. I don’t think I was physically addicted but I was definitely emotionally dependent. It was a habit.

But yet, I was still an athlete. Two years post pregnancy, age 43, I was still smashing out PBs, racing, placing in competitions, pushing my body hard. Performing. And at night, enjoying a drink. I was totally OK with that balance. Or imbalance, as I now fear.

Plus - we live in France. Alcohol is a huge part of the culture. Not in the get wasted British sense. But many - most? - French people have a glass of wine every day. It’s just a normal part of mealtime.

Alcohol was a huge part of my life. Choosing not to drink can be challenging.

And then I got cancer.

When I started reading about the evidence, it was a pretty easy choice for me. I knew I wanted to cut down. Initially, I decided to stop drinking entirely. If I’m honest, I was nervous. I was worried I would find giving up hard. But actually, it was easy. I stopped a few weeks before my mastectomy surgery. And really didn’t struggle with it.

I didn’t drink at all during chemo. In spite of my oncologist telling me I could have the occasional drink if I wanted to. On one occasion, I’d planned to have a glass of celebratory champagne in my ‘good week’. I looked forward to it for days. But then, when I took a sip, it just tasted of metal. The bubbles hurt my mouth sore ravaged tongue. I was so disappointed!

And now?

I have rationalised that, for me, one or two drinks a week is OK. I don’t drink every week. But then some weeks, I may have two evenings where I have a glass of wine. Occasionally, I have two in one sitting. But I’m cautious with it. I make sure I really enjoy it. I choose nice wine. I sip. I pick moments that really matter to me - celebrations, seeing old friends. Sometimes when the kids have done my head in and I really, really want one!

But, if I’m honest, I also feel guilty.

So, over time, I’m actually drinking less and less. The occasions are more infrequent. I’m lucky, many of my friends are not big drinkers or have stopped drinking too. On a recent night out with the girls, half of the group were getting stuck into negronis and cocktails, while the other half of us were on zero beer or sparkling water. And? It really didn’t matter.

Do I miss it?

Yes. Absolutely. I love drinking. I miss wine. I miss feeling slightly tipsy.

But I’m happy with my choice. I’m proud I’ve stuck to it. I feel better for it - mentally and physically. It’s a controllable risk.

I know some cancer patients give up drinking entirely. Others choose to ‘live life’ and carry on drinking as before. It’s an entirely individual choice. Respect for anyone who has been through cancer. No judgement here. Just my story.

What’s your cancer and alcohol relationship? And are you happy with it?