Coping with cancer and being the sandwich generation.

We are the sandwich generation!

That’s me, en route to visit my mum for a few days and help care for her, so her partner can have a well deserved break.

Mum is now housebound, unable to walk and needs constant care.

I live in another country.

It breaks my heart and fills me with guilt.

I want to visit more often. But I also don’t. It’s hard and makes me sad. Her personality has changed and she’s no longer the person she was.

I want to spend all my time with my kids while they’re little and still need me. I want to cherish every valuable family moment. But they also don’t listen and push me to the limit and I need a break.

And then there’s cancer.

It nags away at me and never quite goes away, even though I am doing my best to live my best life and be the best human, mum, partner, friend, daughter I can be.

I know that prioritizing myself, my wellbeing, my mental health - are all paramount. Staying healthy is my number one priority. But it’s not always easy to find the time.

So I am definitely feeling the pinch.

Stuck in the middle.

Torn in two.

So what am I doing to help prioritise ME for this trip?

I’ve packed my trainers so I can get outside and walk or run every day. I plan on good food, early nights, starting to read a book I’ve been really looking forward to, watching a nice movie or two with mum. Chatting. A long, uninterrupted bath. A lie in!

And then when I’m home, we have a wonderful weekend of family Easter carnage planned. So I have something special to look forward to, which helps ease the mum guilt.

I’m all about making magic memories.

I hope I’ve got the balance right!

Mum’s 80th birthday. Witnessing her decline while also mumming small people has been so hard.

When mum first fell and broke her pelvis, I was in the middle of chemo. I had to request special permission from my oncologist to fly during treatment. To rearrange my treatment days to work around it.

I was bald, exhausted, sick and trying to deal with the logistics of another healthcare system and help prioritise her needs.

It’s not how it should be.

At that point in time, I needed someone to look after me.

I didn’t have the capacity to be mummy to my kids and look after my mum as well. And do cancer. It was too much.

It nearly broke me.

Emotionally and physically.

Now that I’m out the other side, I feel that I have failed her as I haven’t had the capacity I would have liked to help, when she needed me. I live in another country and have small children. I’m torn. I hope if I am ever in her situation, I will remember that for my kids.