Scanxiety. The fear of recurrence never goes away completely.

Being a cancer patient never stops. The fear of scans and appointments is real.

Like all cancer patients, even though I have finished active treatment (other than hormone therapy), I still have regular check ups, blood tests and scans.

It’s stressful.

And I’d forgotten.

I have been so busy in the last few months that I kind of forgot that this appointment was coming up.

Until I pulled up in the parking and started to feel funny. Cue sweaty hands, racing heart and major hot flushes.

I rarely get hot flushes now. But stress is a definite trigger.

There is nothing quite like the feeling of walking back into a place that holds hard memories.

Talk about flash backs.

It took me by surprise this time.

However, I am seeing it as progress that I was totally unprepared for this appointment. I hadn’t even remembered to bring my latest blood test results with me. I had to make an emergency call to the lab for a copy.

Not having given it any head space feels like a good thing. It’s out of character as I’m normally little miss organised. But it’s progress. It means that cancer really is something that is emotionally behind me.

Most of the time.

So for anyone who is behind me in their journey, what I’m trying to say is that it gets easier. Scanxiety is real. It’s never not stressful to see the doctor or walk back into a cancer center.

It’s cancer after all.

But normal life can resume.

To the extent that cancer takes a back seat.

I’m happy to report that all is good. Scans show all clear. Bloods are tip top. Examinations normal. And I have all my paperwork for the next 6 months. I will endeavor to be better prepared for the next appointment.

💕